Gabian Spirit, atypical author, ardent artist, and inclusive blesser
The Creative Council
Welcome to The Creative Council, where I interview creatives about their lives and work and the ups and downs of being a creative soul.
Today’s interviewee is Gabian Spirit!
Gabian Spirit (artist name for Marie Bellando Mitjans, she/they) is an atypical author, ardent artist and inclusive blesser, committed to bringing the presence of the Spirit to all, wherever they are in their lives and faith. A Christian (Episcopalian) based in France, they create portraits and contemporary icons, and writes stories, poetry and prose without labels. Marie is also a tarot reader, spiritual guide, and lay celebrant. With degrees in Applied Arts, Central European Studies, and Comparative Theology, she is curious about everything, especially human beings.
The Interview
Hello, near namesake! I’m so glad you found the time to do this with me. Shall we dive right in?
· When did you start creating? Do you remember what pulled you in?
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… No, just kidding. I think I am more the kind of person who never stopped creating while growing up. I always have this urge to tell stories or to draw pictures that pop into my mind. It was, and still is, like a biological need.
· When did you start pursuing your current craft for real? As in, when did you begin to take yourself seriously as a creator?
My relationship with my crafts has evolved a great deal in my life and even more drastically in the last four years. My first job was in graphic design, due to many choices that weren’t really mine, heavily influenced by my family. I quickly grew out of it and spent the next ten years as an editor and communication director.
During these years, my crafts were more or less just writing or drawing for myself and friends. Then, drumroll: the Covid situation! I left my job and said, ‘OK, I’m a professional illustrator from now on, and I will also strive to be a professional writer.’ You can see how the word ‘strive’ says a lot about my self-confidence or sense of self-worth regarding writing.
But, as an illustrator, I took myself completely seriously, and I succeeded! I sell a lot of portraits and icons and have gained a small but real audience. I also created a beautiful (yes, it is) tarot deck, inspired by my own spiritual practices and background: Mediterranean Christianity, with saints and prayers, and some adapted symbolism.
While doing this, I realized many things: first, I made a kind of Queer Christian coming-out as an artist. I was no longer afraid of what people would say about my faith and what they would project onto me as bias or prejudices because of it. Yes, I went through a lot of hatred (both from conservative Christians and from anti-religious people), but, as I already went through a lot of religious harm IRL and I talked many people out of their religious prejudices IRL, online hatred was like ‘OK, nevermind’, even if, of course, it was very rude and wearing. Slowly, I began to help people with these issues, providing spiritual help and healing, or simply teaching, etc. That’s how I began my third vocation: prayer coach and prayer leader, both online and in my church.
Prayer is creative; it’s not only therapeutic or contemplative. You have to listen to people and create the prayer or ritual that suits them best. Regarding this part of my craft, I was pretty confident from day one because I could see and hear immediately that people were moved and transformed by what we created together.
Regarding my writing work, taking myself seriously is more complicated. I have self-published four novels, and I know the worth of my work, but I still think that, to consider myself a writer, I need an audience, and I’m not quite there yet.
· Are you still having fun? If yes, how are you making sure it stays fun?
YES!!!!!! I am still having fun because I stopped pushing myself toward things that are more marketed to a large audience and instead put all my energy into doing things that are true to me. Guess what? It brings me the same number of customers while keeping joy and light in the whole process!
· What has been your biggest ‘mistake’ thus far, and what would you tell people about to make that same mistake?
First, I listened to well-intentioned people who did not understand the slightest bit of what I was doing. That was a mistake because, out of kindness and candor, I tried desperately to make their advice fit my work. Guess what? Yeah, it didn’t work.
Also, something I got quite lost in during the process was the sense of purpose. I think we all have moments where we lose sight of why we began doing something in the first place, and we become quite robotic about what we are doing. In those moments: pause, breathe, take your card deck, and ask yourself what your starting point was, what part of the light you are bringing into the world, etc.
Actually, a good piece of advice I can give is to follow the Tarot for Entrepreneurs book. I am not even joking or trying to be kind; it really encompasses all the struggles I went through and some I will certainly go through in the future. The spreads are very helpful. They could be a good starting point to think about the biases and limiting beliefs we have about creativity, about work, etc. Speaking for myself, I had a huge amount of bias keeping me from making money from creativity, so imagine making enough money to live! It was completely off the table!
I still have some issues I’m working on, such as giving myself permission to get in touch with my audience: bringing to me the people who will be moved by my work, who are sensitive to it, etc. That’s a work in progress involving meditation, rituals, prayers, a little bit of ‘classic’ therapy, and all that jazz!
· Thank you for promoting my work for me! And for the compliment, of course! So, of all the milestones you’ve reached thus far, what has been your favourite? How did you celebrate it?
Oh my, I never celebrate milestones, and that is bad. Like, genuinely bad. Totally not advice to give to anyone. On the contrary: please celebrate! That was also something I worked on – being able to celebrate even if I stand in the mindset that ‘of course you achieved that; you worked for it, and God helped you’. Because it brings a lot of peace and confidence, but also… I don’t know what I have achieved if you ask me, and that can easily put you in a bad state of mind, like ‘you’re a waste of time and energy; you’re useless!’
Although, personally, I did some amazing things in my life: calling a journal you love and asking if they would be interested in featuring some of your works – done. Having to draw a portrait of famous people you love and having them say the portrait is awesome – done. Having people tell you that, thanks to your art, they now allow themselves to believe again in God’s love for them – done. Having one of your icons in the chapel of the Episcopal Church’s Presiding Bishop’s offices – done.
So, a big piece of advice to people: note everything that feels big in the moment, or even something that people around you say is big, so you’ll have a list to rely on! Beginning this Thanksgiving, I said prayers and lit candles for every big thing I recall not having celebrated. From now on, I’ll be doing it every time, in the moment.
· That is a lot to celebrate! Now, what do you struggle with most as a creative person?
The moments where I don’t have orders for a while bring a lot of anxiety. It’s been like that since I was somewhat forced to be ‘only’ a creative worker after Covid. Because, you know, I love to eat and have a warm house… In these moments, you really have to remember that you are worthy of love, worthy of the money you ask for your work, and so on. And also, as I did, if the anxiety is too much, think of a back-up job that would be life-giving and pays the bills. I insist on life-giving.
During the past few years, I enrolled in some boring jobs that were not where I was supposed to be: I suffered from deep unhappiness, a sense of self-disgust, and all my creativity disappeared, so I wasn’t able to do my creative work during off-hours. In the last couple of months, I seriously thought about what kind of employed job would bring me money and would be nourishing to my mind and creativity, what my values are, which parts of my life experience I feel most comfortable with, what things I enjoy (or that are not harmful to me), etc.
This thinking process has been really fruitful, for I will be beginning a new career as a funeral planner after a short, specific training next year. What is wonderful is that, after having to fight for everything for so many years, in this case, everything is flawless: I really fit, and everything that I do or have done finally makes sense.
· What do you do to stay inspired?
I read a lot. I love to read, mainly poetry and some novels. I also make random searches on the internet, get lost on Wikipedia, or explore museum databases. I also lose myself in regular IRL museums. I literally consume art and culture, that’s how I feed my amazement and emotional batteries.
I also see my church life as a perpetual source of inspiration: every person I pray with or for, every question about God, all of these are like a compass pointing toward something I can create to help or answer this question for a larger audience.
· Fuck fear, yes or no?
Definitely, fuck fear. Fear is a liar, and God’s love is everywhere. I know it sounds dumb, but I strongly believe in that. It’s fun to say that because I don’t have any kinds of ‘usual’ fears. I have some chaotic terrors for really minor things, directly linked to traumas I know well. But all the fears that might be keeping me from doing something… No, I never had that.
I almost died a couple of times or found myself in very dangerous circumstances, and guess what? I survived 100% of those moments, so I really do believe that fear is never an option. And if you are scared? Let’s be the ones who jump because our wings will grow. Of course, I can say that thanks to my deep faith, and I know how fear can also prevent faith and be really harmful. I do know that my lack of real experience with fear is a blessing. I wish I could share that with others, and I try.
· What is the biggest compliment you ever received about your work?
‘Thank you’, ‘it changed my life’, ‘I feel seen’, ‘this allows me to cry’…
Or things like that. Sentences that show how meaningful my work can be in the life of someone else.
· What’s the best creative advice you ever received?
‘Nothing ever stops poets nor storms.’
I don’t have much to say about that, but it really meant a lot when my mentor told me that. No matter what type or volume of hate you receive, no matter how many obstacles, no matter anything: nothing can stop you if you decide to properly embody your light, your creativity, your path on earth. If you do so, you will be some kind of natural phenomenon. I think that is the main part of the teaching I wish to share in my present writing work. Sorry for most of you, it’s in French, but I’m translating bits into English on Substack; the original is on my blog. It’s called Centenaire, and it’s a… creative mess, purposefully and unapologetically. I put into it everything I am and love. I mix poetry, philosophy, theology, queerness, etc.
And you know what? From the moment I began to write this (without trying to brand it in a certain way or masking it into some kind of novel), I began to receive compliments and really important comments that validate all my endeavors, and somehow, my entire career and life by extension. I think it might be important for some: this goes along with a sudden total lack of interest in bad commentaries. A real peace comes from a creative process that is truly you, that you are amazed to see unfold almost despite yourself, like its own form of living. It’s a maelstrom, and it’s beautiful, life-giving, and it gives so much strength.
· As you might know, I’m pretty woo-woo. On a scale of 1 to ‘I was burned at the stake in a previous lifetime’, how woo-woo are you? And how does that express itself in your life and/or your creative practice?
LOL, I was burned in so many lifetimes, I can’t even count. I think my whole life is a testimony to that: fearless, fierce, kind, quiet, determined. I try, of course, I try; I am human, and it’s not always easy!!!
Regarding my creative work, I guess that working very intuitively, almost in a trance state or according to visions… Well… Is it creating or remembering? Is it me talking, or am I just adjusting words to what the Holy Spirit says? I think I don’t really care about the answer, as long as I find peace and healing.
You can follow Gabian here on Substack, their French blog, and their website devoted to her Tarot de la Bonne Mère et autres Saints (Tarot of the Good Mother and other Saints).
You can buy their amazing artwork (yes, I’m a huge fan!) on RedBubble and Etsy.
Are you a creative and would you like to be interviewed next? E-mail me at marielle@mswordsmith.nl and we’ll make it happen!
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