I surround myself with those who want me to succeed
Monday Musings
Here’s your mantra for the week! This week’s card is from my The Sovereign Success Oracle deck. You can get it here or here, but if you get it through Etsy, you’ll get 25% off until the end of May!
Two weeks ago, a friend of mine came up to me after the women’s circle we both attend, during which I shared some of my recent struggles with taking up space and showing the world who I really am, to tell me how wonderful it is to witness my growth and see me shine. She told me she believes in me, in the wise and powerful woman I’m becoming, and that she saw me.
An hour after I got home, she sent me a text with essentially the same message, adding how wonderful it was to connect with me on this level and that she felt truly seen by me too.
Two days later, another friend messaged me completely out of the blue: ‘Reminding you that you are a fucking badass.’
To no one’s surprise really, I had drawn the Three of Cups the day before the women’s circle and the day after that random text message. Traditionally, this card shows three women holding a cup while dancing around each other and signifies, amongst other things, being in sisterhood with those who appreciate you and honour and respect you for who you are and what you bring to the table.
It’s about being surrounded with people who truly want to see you succeed.
I’m emphasising truly here because I’ve learned the hard way (and I’m sure that goes for most of us) that some people just pretend they want to see you succeed.
Discernment
Over the years, I’ve come across teachers (including yoga teachers) who started out endlessly praising one of their students only to resort to harsh criticism once said student began to step into their brilliance – a brilliance their teacher initially singled them out for. I’ve experienced something similar with ‘friends’ who set out to help me acknowledge and embrace my potential only to start expressing their doubts about my readiness and ‘gifts’, highlighting every little thing that was, apparently and inherently, wrong about me, once I got to where I thought they wanted me to be.
I’ve also been surrounded by people who sound like they want you to succeed but only if it’s on their terms or if your success comes to be because you followed their specific suggestions. These are the people who want to take credit for your success, and you can tell them apart by their increasing frustration and anger that you aren’t listening to their – often – unsolicited advice, which might result in them trying to argue and prove why your way will never work.
As such, you need to be discerning when it comes to who you invite in to dance with you. Do they truly mean it when they say they want you to succeed? Do they see you fully, and do they allow you to follow your own path in your own distinct way?
Making space
Of course, to get the right people in your life, you have to make space for them first. If you keep surrounding yourself by people who don’t believe in you or don’t (really) want you to succeed, there won’t be much room left for those who want to raise their cup and cheer you on for real.
I’ve been lucky enough to always have had at least one of those people in my life, but that number only started increasing when I started removing and distancing myself from the people who, for whatever reason, didn’t want me to succeed.
There are two quotes that helped me 1) discern between who to listen to and who not and 2) stick to my guns when I first began to set these boundaries. The first one is credited to multiple people, including Jim Kwik and Morgan Freeman:
Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.
The second one is by Brené Brown, and people I’ve been friends on Facebook with for a long time might recognise it, since I’ve had it as my cover photo for a long, long time:
If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback.
Once space opened up, more and more people began to enter my life that are actually rooting for me. Like the friend I went for a walk with last Friday (followed by a chai latte and decadent piece of chocolate cake in the after because you only live this life once). She and I have been on the same path for quite some time now, and she, too, felt the need to tell me she admired me for the work I’ve been doing lately. Which was mutual, as I immediately told her as well.
When one soul honours another
Each of these encounters made me feel fully and truly seen, and I’ve been wondering whether my friends’ words hit harder and resonated more deeply precisely because they came from a place of deep, mutual appreciation and respect. They were spoken by people who treat me as their equal. They didn’t say those words to ingratiate themselves or feed my ego; they said them simply to encourage me, to lift me up just because they can and felt like it.
Reflecting on these encounters now, I can’t help but think of the Sanskrit word ‘Namaste’, which has, amongst other things, been translated to ‘My soul honours your soul’ and ‘The divine light in me bows to the divine light within you’. To me, this ancient greeting is about recognising in the other what you also carry within yourself. By recognising the growth, wisdom, and power within me the way they did, my friends implicitly acknowledged that they have the same within themselves, no matter whether they’re further up or down the path from where I currently am.
It might be me, but there’s just something about being seen by someone you see in return. To be reassured of your growth by someone whose growth you’ve been witnessing yourself. To be cheered on for stepping into your power and potential by someone you see doing that exact same thing day in and day out.
As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t get more Three of Cups than that.
xx Mariëlle
I surround myself with those who want me to succeed – A guided meditation
When was the last time you felt fully seen and surrounded by people who truly, madly, and deeply want for you to succeed? If it’s been a while or you’re struggling to discern who in your life is actually in your corner, the meditation below will help you gain some clarity and create some distance between you and the people who are just pretending to cheer you on, so you can create space for the good ones to come in.
Find yourself a comfortable position, whatever that looks like for you. Before you begin with this guided meditation, do a couple of rounds of deep breathing. In case you feel like trying them, my favourite breathing exercises include:
box breathing (inhale, hold, exhale, hold for four seconds each);
doubling your exhales, which helps soothe the nervous system (if you inhale for three seconds, you exhale for six. If you inhale for four, you exhale for eight); or
the one I always use when I guide people into their own Akashic Records (inhale through your feet, exhale through your heart space, inhale through the crown of your head, exhale your heart space).
Whichever you go with, once you feel more centred and grounded, allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
Visualise you’re in a field, one that stretches as far as they eye can see. It’s just you here, you and the breeze and the rustling grass and leaves. The sky is blue and the sun is shining down on you, her temperature absolutely perfect.
Feel that breeze caress your skin. Feel those sunny rays, warming you inside and out.
Now, visualise a golden ball just above your navel, where your solar plexus is located. Gradually, with each breath in and out, this golden ball gets bigger and bigger. It begins to envelope your belly area, and then it reaches your heart and pelvic floor.
Keep breathing in and breathing out until the golden ball surrounds you entirely, from top to bottom, from left to right, and from front to back.
Frow where you are seated within your golden ball, imagine everyone you’ve ever known in the past. Allow them to show up on the left side of your body and take up space there, somewhere in the field.
It doesn’t matter how many people show up, the field is large enough to encompass them all.
Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.
Now, visualise everyone you know now and allow them to show up in the field right across from you, all the way down to the back of that grassy stretch if necessary.
Take another deep breath in and a deep breath out.
Now, bring to the field everyone you have yet to meet and let them gather at the right side of your body, in that part of the field that’s to your right. This is your visualisation, so if the field needs to become bigger to contain them all, make it happen.
Take one more deep breath in and out.
Now, allow the golden ball to slowly expand, and ask it to only allow inside those who truly want you to succeed, for all the right reasons. Let it push everyone else back as it grows bigger and bigger.
Breathe in and out, deep, grounding breaths, and watch as the golden ball expands further and further, towards and then beyond the far edges of the field.
Look to your left. Who from your past is still inside the golden ball? Who did the golden ball allow to stay? Who has been removed from the field? Is there anyone who was pushed back a little bit before being allowed inside this golden sphere?
If any emotions are coming up or a desire to stop the ball in its tracks when it starts pushing certain people towards the edge of the field and beyond your vision, take note of them and then bring your attention back to your breath as you allow these feelings to flow through you.
Now look right in front of you. Who from your present is still inside the golden ball? Who did the golden ball allow to stay? Who has been removed from the field altogether? Is there anyone who was pushed back a little bit before being allowed inside this golden sphere?
Now look to your right. Who from the people you have yet to meet is still inside the golden ball? Who did the golden ball allow to stay? Who has been removed from the field, outside of your vision? Is there anyone who was pushed back a little bit before being allowed inside this golden sphere?
Sit with this for a moment. If it feels right, place one hand on your heart and the other just above your navel, where the golden ball sprung from.
Looking at the people who are left on the field, including those who were pushed back before being allowed inside the golden ball, how do you feel? Take a moment to really process what you’re seeing here and what it does to you.
What does the scene in front of you tell you? What is it that you’re being asked to do here? Around whom are you in need of boundaries, and how far removed from yourself do you need to place these?
Once you’re ready, thank those who are still inside your golden ball for being there, and thank the golden ball for helping you discern. Then take a deep breathe in and out before slowly allowing yourself to return to the room you’re in.
If you feel called to do so, take your journal and write down your observations.
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Reads like you wrote it in 5 minutes 😉 Love it when women lift each other up. Together we rise! Booyah!