My energy flows where my focus goes
Monday Musings
Here’s your mantra for the week! This week’s card is from my The Sovereign Success Oracle deck. You can get it here or here.
I’m all over the place.
I was going to write ‘I’ve been all over the place’, but that sort of implies that maybe I’m not anymore? And that’s definitely not the case.
And I have excuses, too! Or reasons, I should say, because most of what’s been pulling me in all kinds of directions I have very little to no control over.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t some things I do have control over, and that I probably should look into what I can do to get my ducks in something that looks like a row.
That’s what one of the voices in my head keeps telling me. The other one sounds much more reassuring and is trying to convince me it’s OK to just give in for a while, that this too shall pass, sooner rather than later.
And it will. None of the big distractions are here to stay. The current biggest disruptor in my life is about to go away (two more weeks!) – they’re working on making the block of houses I live in more sustainable, so my home is wrapped in scaffolding and I’ve had numerous carpenters, painters, glaziers, and whatnot walking in and out over the past two months.
There’s also the work I’ve been doing on my home myself, which I’m slowly turning from my mum’s place into my own. Now the sustainability people are done on the inside of the house, I’ve spent a lot more time focusing on that instead of my writing and other responsibilities. There’s so much to paint, so much wallpaper to strip, so many carpets to rip out, but at least I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere, slowly but surely.
(And yes, before you ask, I’m doing everything I can myself. I could ask for help, and I will for the stuff I just don’t know how to do, but I keep having this feeling deep in my gut that this is how I should be going about this, a slow but steady reclaiming of the space I grew up in and replacing of my mum’s things with my own.)
Add to this that I just launched my new website and am developing all sorts of events – both virtually and in-person – that I have two Kickstarter projects left to fulfil (and a new one I’m dying to launch…), and that losing my mum, becoming an orphan, has brought up a lot that needs deep and intense healing.
Oh, and I lost another kitchen cabinet door this morning (that’s two now), so quite a bit of my energy will be going towards convincing the housing association I rent from that it really is time to replace the entire kitchen now.
With my focus being all over the place, my energy is as well. I’ve always struggled focusing on one project for a prolonged period of time, but it’s even worse now. I really do flitter from one thing to another at the moment, and I have a lot of opinions about that. And only a handful are about surrendering, accepting that this is where I am right now, and going with this particular flow.
It’s hard, figuring out which of those voices to listen to. What is a good reason to just accept how things are for a bit, and what is an excuse? When does what started as a good, legitimate reason become an excuse, a mere distraction? Am I in danger of stepping over that line? What if this is just more of that ‘you’re not enough’ crap my ego likes to spout when I’m not hustling my arse off?
I haven’t figured out the answer yet. The beauty of your energy being all over the place is that it becomes that much harder to ground and centre yourself, which is necessary to connect to that deep knowing within yourself, that direct link to the Divine.
And this is where I could definitely do something. I could take more time to ground and centre instead of pushing myself to work on all of the things I mentioned above. I probably should. Which would mean that one voice was right, the one saying that I should just give in for a bit. Let it be. Do what I can without worrying about the rest.
Hm.
Look at that. Maybe I did figure it out. Maybe I am doing enough, maybe doing a little everywhere still amounts to a lot. Maybe it’s OK that people are still waiting on my book. Maybe it’s OK I’m still sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Maybe it’s OK I have yet to start on what I’m hoping to be my practice room in about seven weeks. Maybe the one should I should be listening to now is the one urging me to let it go.
What do you think?
xx Mariëlle
P.S. For those who’ve been feeling somewhat distracted too, the spread below is one of the many spreads that will be included in the new edition of Tarot for Creatives (yup, that book I’m still working on…).
Of course, if you’re dealing with big disruptions, the spread might point out that it’s OK, you’re doing fine, so make sure you’re open to that interpretation if the cards are leaning that way.
Distracted much?
Also known as the squirrel spread, this spread is for those who tend to get distracted easily and are ready to figure out why that is and how to get some of that focus back.
1. Why am I feeling distracted?
2. What is at the root of this distraction?
3. How does this distraction interfere with my creative work right now?
4. What do I need to do about this distraction?
5. What can I do to help myself focus better?
Are you ready to become the writer you were always meant to be?
My 52 Weeks of Writing Author Journal and Planner brings together every lesson I’ve learned as a coach for writers and other creatives.
Each volume (there are three!) makes you plan, track, reflect on, and improve your progress and goals on a weekly basis, an entire year long; gets you to unravel the truth about why you aren’t where you want to be; keeps you writing through weekly thought-provoking quotes and prompts; and helps you develop a writing practice that honours your own needs and desires.
Get yours here.
Stop.
Breathe.
Take in your surroundings.
None of it matters.