Trust the process and the process will trust you

Monday musings

Here’s your mantra for the week! This week’s card is from my Cards for Creative Courage oracle deck. You can get it here or here.

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Trust the process and the process will trust you…

If this card doesn’t prove that I was called to create the Cards for Creative Courage oracle first and foremost for myself, I don’t know what will. Not that there aren’t plenty of other cards in the deck that feel like an absolute bitch-slap whenever I draw them.

I mean, I even included one that says ‘I trust myself.’ What was I thinking?!

I don’t know about you, but I have a complicated relationship with trust. There are days – entire periods even – where surrendering to whatever may be, and trusting that all will work out exactly as it’s supposed to be, feels like the most natural thing to do.

These are wonderful moments because not only am I not wasting any of my already limited time on self-doubt but my creativity flows better and more freely as well. That level of trust, that willingness to give in and just go with it, is instantly rewarded by my being able to enjoy the process while feeling confident about what I’m doing.

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But, I also have phases when I’m so caught up in my head, in worries about the past and fears about the future, that trust isn’t even on my radar. On days like these, I feel stagnant, directionless, and uncertain, and I question everything. Sometimes, I do manage to tend to certain aspects of my creative projects during those moments, but I definitely never feel inspired enough to bring something new into existence. 

Most days, though, I’m somewhere in between. Trusting enough to follow my creative impulses but also wary enough to doubt the steps I’m taking. Unfortunately, this takes a lot of the fun out of the process.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to be where I am right now. Not a decade ago, all I had was doubt and fear reigned supreme. Looking back on the path I’ve been on these past ten years, it’s clear I did somehow manage to hear and listen to my intuition amidst all the other noises, but I second-guessed myself all the time. Little steps, big steps, it didn’t matter: I doubted all of them and it could take years before I finally decided to go this way or that.

Anyone who struggles or has struggled with that level of overthinking knows exactly how exhausting that is.

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It took me lots of healing – through meditation, yoga, journaling, therapy, energy healing, homeopathy – to achieve the relationship with trust that I have now. Some days are good, some days are bad, and most days things are good enough that I do what my gut tells me to do, even if that little voice inside my head keeps asking me whether I’m sure.

And that’s just the thing. These days, that voice is little. On my ‘most’ days, it’s somewhere in the background, vying for my attention. It’s annoying and, like I already said, diminishes the fun I know I could be having as I do the things I’m guided to do. But, aside from the really, really bad days, it’s no longer the loud, oppressive sound that makes me question every little thing I’ve ever done and thought of doing.

When it does show up, it doesn’t have the same hold on me as it did ten years ago, at least not as long as it used to. I recognise it now, and knowing that voice isn’t me takes away so much of its power, even if it can take me a moment to remember the fact.

Do I wish my relationship with trust was better than this? Absolutely, and it’s something I’ll continue to work on. It’s another process I’m learning to trust. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of the bad days entirely – nor do I think that’s the goal, since bad days are just as much part of the process as the good ones – but if I keep doing the work, that needle will have to keep moving towards more good, more trusting days.

Happy creating (and trusting!) this week <3

Mariëlle

P.S. Scroll further down for a visualisation exercise about trust.

If you, like me, are still working on your trust, or if trust is something that you lack, I created the following visualisation to help you connect with that part of you who knows how to trust. I’d hoped to be ready to record it as a guided meditation, but my throat is still recovering from my run-in with COVID.

Trust the process and the process will trust you

Find yourself a comfortable position, whatever that looks like for you. You can close your eyes if you’re comfortable doing so. If not, try to relax your gaze.

Before you begin with the visualisation, I recommend the following breathing exercise to help soothe your nervous system. For this exercise, you inhale for three or four counts and exhale for double the counts. If you’ve inhaled for three, you’ll exhale for six. If you’ve inhaled for four, you’ll exhale for eight. Once you feel more centred and grounded, you can allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.

Now imagine that you are a person who trusts. Visualise yourself as a person who breathes in and breathes out trust, someone who trusts in their own abilities, who knows exactly what they’re capable of and what’s beyond them. Someone who trusts their creativity and intuition and who knows, in the very core of their being, that the Universe has their back.

What does that feel like to be this trusting, to feel carried in such a way? To be guided in a direction that’s for your highest good and the highest good of everyone involved? To know that your own inner self, your intuition, that creative spark inside of you, the Universe – or whatever higher powers you believe in – are here to assist you in whichever way possible?

What does that look like, this trusting version of yourself? How are they behaving? What are they saying? What are they working on? What do they want to be working on, now and in the future? What kind of future do they have in mind for you? What do you see?

Now step into this trusting version of yourself. Visualise stepping into their shoes and becoming one with this person. Their reality is now your reality. You are the version of yourself that trusts everything.

When you’re ready, ask yourself:

·       If I trusted the way I’m trusting now, what would I be working on today?

·       What would I be doing differently?

·       What steps would I be taking to bring me closer to where I want to be?

·       What risks would I be willing to take?

Place your hands over your heart and take another moment to soak up that feeling of trust that comes so naturally to this version of you. When you’re ready, take a deep breath in, and slowly exhale as you come back to yourself. If you had them closed, open your eyes and take your journal to write down what you’ve just experienced, the answers that came to you during this visualisation.

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