It might not be easy, but does that make it time to quit?
Monday Musings
Here’s your mantra for the week! This week’s card is from my Cards for Creative Courage oracle deck, which you can get it here or here.
I already alluded to it in my last post, but I’ve been struggling lately. I know why, too. I’ve been doing lots of new things and am truly putting myself out there, so my ego is having a really hard time right now.
Cue the intrusive thoughts, the self-doubt, the spirals of shame and self-loathing, all that good stuff I’ve been working really hard to release over the past fifteen years or so.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been deep-diving into my Akashic Records to find the root of all of that good stuff and to work on healing and releasing it. What I found was a layered web of vows and promises I made to protect myself and lots of beliefs and judgements about myself I’ve internalised throughout the ages.
I’ve been going into my Records daily to, slowly and steadily, undo the weaving of that web a little further, to ask what I can do today to heal myself a little more. Two days ago, the answer I received was: ‘Find a new anthem.’
I blinked. And then I remembered I wrote a post about that last November, about no longer needing the anthem I’d been singing along to before my mum passed away.
The Records were right. It’s six months later and I had not yet found myself another anthem. And I love anthems. They’re great for when you’re struggling, when you’re feeling lost and tired and very close to giving up.
Obviously, my brain started whirring immediately. What would make a good anthem? I tried a few songs, but they weren’t it, and I allowed the homework – Find a new anthem – to move to the back of my mind.
The day after – so, yesterday – I went for a walk after dinner through the floodplains around the corner from my home. It’s my favourite spot in town, and I often feel more grounded and centred the moment I step through the wooden gate.
Last night, something happened that, in hindsight, has been happening for weeks now: I started humming ‘Resilience’ by Rising Appalachia. And, of course, it didn’t hit me that I’ve been humming this song regularly on my walks there until the day after I was told to find myself a new anthem…
In case you haven’t guessed yet, I can be really good at not seeing, or hearing, the signs ;) That said, I did write on 18 November ‘I’ll trust it’ll show up exactly when I need it’, and I have been humming it ever since I started that healing process so it did show up exactly when I needed it.
As for the why this song is, apparently, an appropriate new anthem for me: for weeks, I’ve been receiving the advice (from my Records, my Reiki master, my homeopath, the cards I draw and have been drawn for me) to root myself better, to keep myself grounded. Because that’s what happens when I spiral: I disconnect from my body, and that makes me incredibly wobbly and anxious and unsure about everything. And that’s exactly the part of the song I’ve been humming while walking those floodplains:
I got my roots down, down, down, down
Down, down, down, down, down, deep
Of course, the song itself also reminds me why I’m doing the work I’ve been doing lately and why it’s important I keep doing it (if you don’t know the lyrics, I highly recommend looking them up), so it serves two purposes really. I know it won’t instantly cure me of all my troubles and anxieties, but it’ll help keep moving in the right direction the same way my previous anthem did. I know it will.
Speaking of purpose, if you’ve been struggling too and are as close to giving it all up as I feel some days, here’s an exercise from the upcoming expanded edition of Tarot for Creatives that’ll help you remember what you’re doing it all for.
If anyone wants to keep me accountable to make sure I do the exercise for myself as well, please poke me in the comments…
xx Mariëlle
The Ten of Cups — Exercise from Tarot for Creatives
Can’t remember what you’re doing it all for?
Shuffle your deck and locate the Ten of Cups.
The card directly below the Ten of Cups shows you what’s been blocking you from seeing your creative work’s higher purpose. The card above the Ten of Cups shows or reminds you what that higher purpose is.
If your creative work is not aligned with that higher purpose yet, look at the card above that one. It’ll show you how to get there.
Some public service announcements
Uplifting the United States meditation circle
Our next healing meditation circle is this coming Thursday, 19 June. To keep in the loop, get access to the replay, and join us on Thursday, go here.
Birthday discount incoming
This upcoming Sunday, 22 June, I turn 39! To celebrate, I’m offering 39% off all digital items in my web shop and Etsy shop, as well as 20% off all print items, such as my paperback books and oracle decks. So bookmark those pages and set a reminder, because the discounts will only be valid Sunday.
Loved this exercise. Got 5 of swords underneath, which makes sense, a very general sense of unease is difficult to unpack and I just try to move forward from it. 4 of wands on top - this is hilarious to me, as I have avoided celebrating myself and my achievements for years because I feel like a younger, naive version of me lived for that stuff and it was a false path. But it's become a pathology that I avoid celebrating anything now. So I guess some celebration is due. I do have a huge goal I'm about to meet at the end of the month, so I guess I am owed that celebration soon :)